Soft
Safety first
20 to 30 minutes · alone or together
Your partner asked you to lead.
Now what?
You have watched the videos. You know what a safe word is. And on a Tuesday evening you still have no idea what to actually do, or how to bring it up without making it weird.
Free. Eight questions. No account. Your answers are never shared.
You are not stuck because you lack information
- You run out of ideas after the third time and start repeating yourself.
- You carry the responsibility for their experience and nobody prepared you for that.
- You want to go further but you do not know if they do, and asking feels like pressure.
- You have nobody to ask. Not your friends, not your family, not your doctor.
There is plenty of information. What is missing is someone who tells you what to do next, and where the line is.
Which side of this are you on?
You follow
Every assignment here is written for you. That is the point: you do not have to think one up, talk anybody into it or wonder whether it is allowed. It is already decided, and it stays inside the limits you set yourself.
Take the free test
You lead
Same library, other end of it. You do not get assignments, you get the whole library of them to hand out, sorted by theme and by how far they go, so you can pick what your submissive needs this week instead of inventing it on a Tuesday.
Take the free testBoth start in the same place and neither has to go in order. I have been on the receiving end for six years. That is why these read like instructions and not like theory.
This is what you get
A library of assignments, each with a time, an intensity and a version for doing it alone or together. You get one a week, and never one outside the limits you set.
Soft
You are amazing
1 week · alone or together
Medium
Asking for permission
4 weeks · couples
Medium
Pet play
20 to 30 minutes · alone or together
Medium
Bondage
30 to 60 minutes · solo
Medium
Sexy picture
7 days · couples
Medium
Role play
1 hour · couples
Medium
Slave positions
30 to 45 minutes · couples
Hard
Collaring
no fixed time · couples
And the rest
Everything, for one price
- The full library, yours for life
- A new assignment every week, written for your limits
- Ask Sam, any time: answers from everything I taught, matched to your limits
Find your first one, free99 assignments, plus challenges, games and courses. Most have a version for alone and for together. Look through the library
Nothing outside your limits. Ever.
Before anything else you fill in the list: 130 things, and for each one whether you have done it, how much it turns you on, and how scary it feels. Giving and receiving are scored separately, because they are not the same thing.
Something can be exciting and terrifying at the same time. That is exactly where people get stuck, and a normal yes-or-no list cannot see it.
You never see an assignment that falls outside what you marked.
Done itTurns me onScares me
Blindfoldsyes41
Bondage (rope)no53
Being told when you can comeno34
Impact play (hard)no1NO
Take the free 1-minute testEight questions, about a minute. Free, and no account needed.
Who writes these
Becoming BDSM's Dr. Ruth Westheimer. Making BDSM normal.
I have been teaching this for six years, from the receiving end: what actually lands, not how to lead. That is why my video for beginning dominants is the one people keep sending to each other.
I think one of the best paths to become a good Master is to let a sub train you.
5.2 million views39,500 subscribers139 videos36 hours
They keep asking
the same thing
Real comments under my videos. Click one to watch what it was about.
I am new to having defining roles like this. My partner asked me to be their dom. I am excited but terribly nervous, because I am nervous I will be too reserved in my demands or actions. Any tips to get over that, or to do it properly?
You are so free when you are talking about BDSM. I envy you. I cannot do that where I live. I would be judged, and probably disowned by my family.
I am a 55 year old male from Australia. I have never been into kink, but I came across your videos about a week ago and I have become completely fascinated by your attitude towards sex.
This helped me as a sub learn what to look for in a dom. I am new to bdsm but I enjoy it. Could it be worked into normal relationships too, like if you were to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, or married?
I have never been in a relationship like this, at least I hope I have not without realizing it. But I am learning what it is. No judgement. Thank you for this lesson.
Thirty days from now, you will know what they want
Not guessed at. Known, because they wrote it down and so did you, and because you did eight small things instead of reading about a hundred.
You write down what you want
It starts with a list, not a scene. First how this works, then the full kinks list, filled in by each of you separately: what turns you on, what scares you, and what is off the table for good. Everything that comes after is picked from what you wrote.
Week 1 one evening
Your first real scene
First you talk: what you want from it, how it stops, a safe word and a signal for when you cannot speak. Then you play, properly, for the first time. And one sense taken away for twenty minutes, because nothing builds trust faster than not being able to see.
Week 2 two evenings
A few things in the drawer
A short, practical one: the handful of things worth having, most of it already in your house. Then the first assignment chosen from your own list, and never from anything you marked NO.
Week 3 an evening, and some shopping
The rest comes from you
Two more picked from what you marked, each a step further than the last. By now you know what lands, and the whole library is already open to you.
Week 4 two evenings
I am a 42 year old single mom who managed to create the most amazing relationship ever, via BDSM. I learned how to trust and how to be free via my submission.
Hello
What do you want?
Each of you, alone: what you want to try, what scares you, what is a hard no.
We did this- Welcome
- What do you want?
- Introducing BDSM
- Blindfolding
- Your beginner set
Ask Sam
Kinky Assignments · the first year
- The First Thirty: eight assignments in orderincluded
- 99 assignments, one a week from your own list€2,301
- 12 challenges that run for a monthincluded
- 2 games to print and playincluded
- 2 full courses, start to finish€294
- Starter pack: worksheet, your list, the first conversationincluded
- Ask Sam, day or night, within your limitsincluded
- Your partner, with their own loginfree
Bought one by one€2,595
Your first year€197
Includes the first year. After that it renews at €197 a year unless you switch to €27 a month or stop, and you get an email two weeks before anything is charged.
Thirty days, your money back.
If it is not for you, say so within thirty days and you get your money back. One line in an email is enough, and you do not have to explain why.
Sam
And all of it, from day one
The whole library is open from the day you join. Programs I sold one at a time for six years, at the prices people actually paid for them.
Deepthroating
Thirty days, step by step, with a video for almost every one of them. My most technical program and the only one on a daily rhythm.
27 assignments26 with video
Finding a Kinky Partner
How to find someone who is into this too, without having to explain yourself on a dating app.
2 assignments2 with video
A Year of Submission
Twelve months, two small daily habits each. Submission as a way of living, not only in the bedroom.
12 assignments1 with video
Headspace
The mental side of submission. Journals, rituals and the deep drop.
13 assignments2 with video
Communication
Limits, compliments, affirmations, the confidence workshop. The talking that makes the rest possible.
10 assignments4 with video
Edging & Orgasm Control
Edging, denial and the countdown. Who decides when you come.
10 assignments3 with video
Pain
Clamps, climbing and endurance. Light to heavy, with gratitude built in.
9 assignments
Getting Started
Where everyone starts. What you want, how to bring it up, your first play, and how to land afterwards.
5 assignments5 with video
Play
Blindfolds, rope, pain with pleasure, anal, humiliation and pet play. One evening each.
6 assignments6 with video
Humiliation
Words on skin, the floor, the little secret, and further if you want it.
7 assignments4 with video
Anal
From the first touch to stuffed, one step at a time.
7 assignments2 with video
Advanced
For when the rest has become easy. Long scenes, marathons and sacrifice.
6 assignments
Submission
Service, asking permission, positions and choosing your collar.
6 assignments5 with video
Fantasy & Role Play
Role play, fantasies, dressing up, pictures and watching together.
6 assignments4 with video
Discipline & Ownership
Holding a position, being dedicated, and a whole day on alert.
5 assignments
Servitude
Serving without being asked, from waiting well to being handed over.
5 assignments
The Snakes & Ladders Game
A dice game you play alone. 64 squares, fifty assignments, one race to the orgasm square.
1 assignments1 with video
Oral
On your knees, from morning practice to the full kit.
4 assignments
The Kinky Assignments Game
A card game for two. Suffer to earn points, spend them on pleasure, and see who gets to come.
1 assignments1 with video
What the full list actually gives you
On your own
You walk into the next conversation already knowing your own answers, so you never agree to something just because you had not thought about it yet.
With a partner
You each fill it in separately and then only see where you overlap. Not their whole list, only the matches. That is the conversation almost nobody manages to have.
Questions
No. Most people who find me are new. The first assignments are soft on purpose: talking, writing, small rituals. Nothing that needs equipment, experience or nerve.
Then start alone. Everything works solo. The limits list is also the easiest way to open the conversation, because you both fill it in separately and only compare what you both marked.
Only you, and your partner if you link accounts. No real name needed, and the charge on your statement is discreet. Email me and I delete everything.
No. The videos explain. The assignments make you do. What you pay for is the order: what to do, when, inside your limits, one week at a time.
No. The assignments are written for the person who follows, and the person leading uses the same ones to give them. You can come in from either side.
Eight questions. Then your first one.
About a minute. At the end you know where you stand, and your first assignment is waiting.
Take the free 1-minute testFree. No account. Your answers are never shared.