Start here
You follow
Every assignment here is written for you. That is the point: you do not have to think one up, talk anybody into it or wonder whether it is allowed. It is already decided, and it stays inside the limits you set yourself.
Your partner asked you to lead.
Now what?
You have watched the videos. You know what a safe word is. And on a Tuesday evening you still have no idea what to actually do, or how to bring it up without making it weird.
One minute. At the end you know what you actually want, what is off the table for good, and you have something to do about it this week.
You are not stuck because you lack information
- You run out of ideas after the third time and start repeating yourself.
- You carry the responsibility for their experience and nobody prepared you for that.
- You want to go further but you do not know if they do, and asking feels like pressure.
- You have nobody to ask. Not your friends, not your family, not your doctor.
There is plenty of information. What is missing is someone who tells you what to do next, and where the line is.
Which side of this are you on?
Start here
You lead
Same library, other end of it. You do not get assignments, you get a hundred and twenty of them to hand out, sorted by theme and by how far they go, so you can pick what your submissive needs this week instead of inventing it on a Tuesday.
Both start in the same place and neither has to go in order. I have been on the receiving end for six years. That is why these read like instructions and not like theory.
This is what you get
Not a course. A library of assignments, each with a time, an intensity and a version for doing it alone or together. You get one a week, and never one outside the limits you set.
Soft
Safety first
- Time
- 20 to 30 minutes
- Doing it
- alone or together
Soft
You are amazing
- Time
- 1 week
- Doing it
- alone or together
Medium
Asking for permission
- Time
- 4 weeks
- Doing it
- couples
Medium
Pet play
- Time
- 20 to 30 minutes
- Doing it
- alone or together
Medium
Bondage
- Time
- 30 to 60 minutes
- Doing it
- solo
Medium
Sexy picture
- Time
- 7 days
- Doing it
- couples
Medium
Role play
- Time
- 1 hour
- Doing it
- couples
Medium
Slave positions
- Time
- 30 to 45 minutes
- Doing it
- couples
Hard
Collaring
- Time
- no fixed time
- Doing it
- couples
And 21 more
Everything, for one price
- The full library, yours for life
- Three complete programs
- A new assignment every week, written for your limits
- Ask me anything, any time
Get all of them19 programs, 142 assignments, most with a version for alone and for together. Look through all of it
Nothing outside your limits. Ever.
Before anything else you fill in the list: 130 things, and for each one whether you have done it, how much it turns you on, and how scary it feels. Giving and receiving are scored separately, because they are not the same thing.
Something can be exciting and terrifying at the same time. That is exactly where people get stuck, and a normal yes-or-no list cannot see it.
You never see an assignment that falls outside what you marked.
Done itTurns me onScares me
Blindfoldsyes41
Bondage (rope)no53
Being told when you can comeno34
Impact play (hard)no1NO
Get my first assignmentEight questions, about a minute. Free, and no account needed.
Who writes these
Becoming BDSM's dr. Ruth Westheimer. Making BDSM normal.
I have been teaching this for six years. Not as a dominant explaining how to lead, but as the person on the receiving end explaining what actually lands. That is why my video for beginning dominants is the one people keep sending to each other.
I think one of the best paths to become a good Master is to let a sub train you.
- 5,206,548
- views
- 39,500
- subscribers
- 139
- videos
- 36h
- hours
They keep asking
the same thing
Real comments under my videos. Click one to watch what it was about.
I am new to having defining roles like this. My partner asked me to be their dom. I am excited but terribly nervous, because I am nervous I will be too reserved in my demands or actions. Any tips to get over that, or to do it properly?
You are so free when you are talking about BDSM. I envy you. I cannot do that where I live. I would be judged, and probably disowned by my family.
I am a 55 year old male from Australia. I have never been into kink, but I came across your videos about a week ago and I have become completely fascinated by your attitude towards sex.
This helped me as a sub learn what to look for in a dom. I am new to bdsm but I enjoy it. Could it be worked into normal relationships too, like if you were to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, or married?
I have never been in a relationship like this, at least I hope I have not without realizing it. But I am learning what it is. No judgement. Thank you for this lesson.
Thirty days from now, you will know what they want
Not guessed at. Known, because they wrote it down and so did you, and because you did eight small things instead of reading about a hundred.
What actually happens
- 1
Week 1 one evening
You write down what you want
It starts with a list, not a scene. First how this works, then the full kinks list, filled in by each of you separately: what turns you on, what scares you, and what is off the table for good. Everything that comes after is picked from what you wrote.
- 2
Week 2 two evenings
Your first real scene
First you talk: what you want from it, how it stops, a safe word and a signal for when you cannot speak. Then you play, properly, for the first time. And one sense taken away for twenty minutes, because nothing builds trust faster than not being able to see.
- 3
Week 3 an evening, and some shopping
A few things in the drawer
A short, practical one: the handful of things worth having, most of it already in your house. Then the first assignment chosen from your own list, and never from anything you marked NO.
- 4
Week 4 two evenings
The rest comes from you
Two more picked from what you marked, each a step further than the last. By now you know what lands, and after this the whole library opens.
The 9 programs, bought one by one€2,595
€197for the first year, and the library stays yours
Start the thirty daysOne payment. After the first year, weekly assignments continue for €27 a month if you want them. The library stays yours either way.
- 99 assignments, by theme and by how far they go, and one lands in your inbox every week unless you turn that off.
- The first five in order, so there is nothing to choose while you find your feet.
- 12 challenges that run for a month instead of an evening.
- 2 games you print out and play, one alone and one for two.
- 2 full courses on the side, start to finish, in order.
- Your partner gets in free. One of you pays.
- The full limits list, 130 items, and nothing served outside it.
If nothing changes, you pay nothing
Do the eight assignments. If in thirty days you are no closer to each other than you were, say so and you get your money back. One line in an email is enough, and you do not have to explain what did or did not happen.
I am a 42 year old single mom who managed to create the most amazing relationship ever, via BDSM. I learned how to trust and how to be free via my submission.
After the thirty days, all of it
The whole library opens. Programs I sold one at a time for six years, at the prices people actually paid for them.
Deepthroating
Thirty days, step by step, with a video for every one of them. Her most technical program and the only one on a daily rhythm.
27 assignments26 with video
Finding a Kinky Partner?
How to find someone who is into this too, without having to explain yourself on a dating app.
2 assignments2 with video
A Year of Submission
Twelve months, two small daily habits each. Submission as a way of living, not only in the bedroom.
12 assignments1 with video
Headspace
The mental side of submission. Journals, rituals and the deep drop.
13 assignments2 with video
Communication
Limits, compliments, affirmations, the confidence workshop. The talking that makes the rest possible.
10 assignments4 with video
Edging & Orgasm Control
Edging, denial and the countdown. Who decides when you come.
10 assignments3 with video
Pain
Clamps, climbing and endurance. Light to heavy, with gratitude built in.
9 assignments
Getting Started
Where everyone starts. What you want, how to bring it up, your first play, and how to land afterwards.
5 assignments5 with video
Play
Blindfolds, rope, pain with pleasure, anal, humiliation and pet play. One evening each.
6 assignments6 with video
Humiliation
Words on skin, the floor, the little secret, and further if you want it.
7 assignments4 with video
Anal
From the first touch to stuffed, one step at a time.
7 assignments2 with video
Advanced
For when the rest has become easy. Long scenes, marathons and sacrifice.
6 assignments
Submission
Service, asking permission, positions and choosing your collar.
6 assignments5 with video
Fantasy & Role Play
Role play, fantasies, dressing up, pictures and watching together.
6 assignments4 with video
Discipline & Ownership
Holding a position, being dedicated, and a whole day on alert.
5 assignments
Servitude
Serving without being asked, from waiting well to being handed over.
5 assignments
The Snakes & Ladders Game
A dice game you play alone. Fifty squares, one race to the orgasm square.
1 assignments1 with video
Oral
On your knees, from morning practice to the full kit.
4 assignments
The Kinky Assignments Game
A card game for two. Suffer to earn points, spend them on pleasure, and see who gets to come.
1 assignments1 with video
What the full list actually gives you
On your own
You walk into the next conversation already knowing your own answers. No being put on the spot, no agreeing to something because you had not thought about it yet.
With a partner
You each fill it in separately and then only see where you overlap. Not their whole list, only the matches. That is the conversation almost nobody manages to have.
Questions
No. Most people who find me are new. The first assignments are soft on purpose: talking, writing, small rituals. Nothing that needs equipment, experience or nerve.
Then start alone. Everything works solo. The limits list is also the easiest way to open the conversation, because you both fill it in separately and only compare what you both marked.
Only you, and your partner if you link accounts. No real name needed, the charge on your statement is discreet, and one button deletes everything.
No. The videos explain. The assignments make you do. What you pay for is the order: what to do, when, inside your limits, one week at a time.
No. Most of it is written for the person leading. That is where the questions come from, and it is the part almost nobody teaches from the other side.